I can tuck mytits in my pants
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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