I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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