He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
