I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
