Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
