I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
