I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
