I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
