i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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