dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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