I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
