i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
