hotel room ftw
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
