conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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