The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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