What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
