you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
