If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
