I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
