i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
