my mouth tastes like poor choices
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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