i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I want is dick and wine.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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