I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
