: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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