Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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