Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
