I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
