I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
