I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
