I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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