How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
