Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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