She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
