I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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