At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
