I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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