I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
