having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
