I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
