I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
