Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
