i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
