I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
