pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
