I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
