we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
