And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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