apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
