apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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