if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
