So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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