dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
